My husband’s death, a year-and-a-half ago, had removed most of the color from the world. Cancer was the murderer, a fight we took on with money we didn’t have. He had beaten it once before, when we were first married, with aggressive radiation and chemo. I thought we would beat it again. When the insurance ran out, we borrowed. When we reached our credit limit, we lied and borrowed more. Tom wasn’t here to see the river of financial sludge left in the wake of his illness. He knew it in the end and refused treatment, trying to lessen the burden. I would have assumed the national debt if it meant another day. My arguments fell on loving deaf ears. He died in my arms, at home where he belonged. I opened the jaws of the mailbox and reached into its throat. I withdrew a small stack of letters, most covered with red ink. My heart constricted as it always did. I was still not used to being dead broke. I had placated the financial leeches for over a year, parsing out the life insurance. Imam 40 godini i takvo ebenje vo gaz ne sum doziveala ni pred ni posle toa.Stenkav kako srednoskolka koga za prv pat ja ebe nekoj jako.Mozebi me slusnale i d**gi no taa bolka izmesana so zadovolstvo nemozev da ja izdraz kutejki.Kako sto pominuvase vreme bolkata se namaluvase,a zadovolstvoto se zgolemuvase.Me ebea poveke od saat vreme.Koga me probija vo gaz zaboravija na mojata picka zelna za ebenje.Mi doagase da gi molam da mi go stavat vo picka makar na kratko no tie prodolze da se redat i menjavaat na mojot gaz.Pred da svrsat im kazav bidejki nemaa kondomi da ne mi svrsuvaat blisku do pickata no sepak dvajca mi svrsija vo gaz,a oeden go istrese kaj mene vo usta i sve propisno goltnav.Se dogovorivme da ne se pojavuvame zaedno pa omi zaminaa prvi,a jas ostanav da se oblecam i podsredam bidejki sminkata mi bese razmsckana,a kosata razbusavena.Koga se podsrediv i sednav da ispusam cigara primetiv deka od gazot mi tece sperma.Koga ja otvoriv tasnata da zemam paloma vidov deka ostanalo.
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